


Time Machine

by faeliya



Category: Free!
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:37:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeliya/pseuds/faeliya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't always easy closing the gap between them, with so many years separating them and hard feelings in the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Farewells & Partings — Makoto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow this day felt like the end to everything stable in my life. Like the calm before the storm that comes sweeping in and wrecking havoc. Where the water, I believed to incase me in serenity, becomes a violent torrent attempting to disrupt my peace.

When he hugs me from behind, one of his hands reaching around to grasp onto my shoulder for support as his other wraps around my frame to pull me closer, I can only stare vacantly ahead, pretending to ignore his pretentious behavior. And ever so slowly, he rests his forehead against my shoulder, near his neighboring hand that continues to ground me, himself, to reality.

"Haru..." Makoto whispers. The few syllables dying into an uncontrollable sob.

His voice is broken and full of sorrow. His frame is quivering and quaking from his tears that are now seeping through my uniform shirt. His grip he has on me is frantically firm and painful now, trying to draw me in as close as possible. Everything about this, is confusing, oppressive, and difficult. Generic words that cannot describe anything I am feeling for I do not even know the origin or reasons for my sadness or pain.

As comforting as I can, I raise an arm and gently place it on Makoto's head. It's a simple gesture and all that he'll ever get from me—which I regret—but it's enough to move him. He stiffens considerably to the point where I can feel his muscles contracting and the embrace he has around me tightens, nearly crushing my ribs and stealing my breath away. His arm on my shoulder begins to leave, curling around like his other arm to crush our bodies together. And as he shifts around, my hand drops to my own shoulder to grasp the warm area Makoto was previously occupying with his large, callous hands.

"Haruka." Makoto murmurs gently.

He rarely ever calls me by my full name—and the last time that he ever does—is filled with grief, regret, and something that warms my heart but suffocates it too.

Moving into a slightly more comfortable position, Makoto raises his head to look at me briefly. I feel his gaze, but continue to stare forward, blankly and passively. From the corner of my eyes, the corners of this mouth lift. The idiot is probably smiling softly and sadly at whatever it is he thought about and I'm about to apologize for it, but before I do, he kisses the tip of my ear.

I stiffen and in reaction, he pauses. We stay like that for awhile, and then Makoto buries himself onto my shoulder. If his tremoring shoulders and audible sobs are anything to go by, I know he's crying, but I cannot grasp what it is he's weeping about. I can only stand here as his whole world comes crashing down.

☂

When I see Makoto off at the closest station to our hometown, it is the last time I will ever see him—for a very long time. He has a bag slung over his shoulder and a single suitcase that he wheels behind himself when he sees me approaching.

The station is empty, except for a few select others, but I don't give them a second glance and instead focus on my childhood friend whom will be attending Hokudai in the fall.

"Haruka, you came." He sounds breathless.

Ever since we graduated, Makoto began to address me by my full name. It was a bit unnerving, as if he was trying to detach himself from everything, even me. Even Ren and Ran began to address me the same way as their older brother did. It was really unsettling.

I nod in reply and give him a blank look that he smiles fondly at—as if it's a distant memory buried in the back of his mind and I'm just part of the remnant past.

"I— ..I thought you wouldn't come..." Makoto whispers, trailing off at the end and looking away from me, towards the tunnel where his train would come to take him.

"I... Didn't say, I wouldn't come..." I reply, looking at the ground below us.

Somehow I was scared now. Bittersweet feelings that I felt during graduation could not compare to these intense, unstable feelings now. Overwhelmed, what was I suppose to do with these feelings? Unable to fully comprehend or accept them, how I could I tell Makoto, let alone anyone? With these mixed signals and cues Makoto was sending me, how was I suppose to even act? With the current location, was it really true Makoto was leaving? What will happen to me— _us_ —now? Where would I go, how would I move forward, why would I...?

I lift my head up quickly to look at Makoto, the words I longed to say on the tip of my tongue. However, a loud blaring sound startles me and turns my words mute. I watch as Makoto's train arrives, the doors opening.

"My train's here, Haruka." Makoto states, never once looking at me after looking, awaiting, his train. Never once hearing what it is I spoke.

Now, it's as if I'm no longer in his field of vision, as if I'll never be a part of his world, as if he blocked me out with a past he wants to bury, to forget, to never remember or think or reminisce about. And this breaks my heart, a loud shattering sound echoing in my ears as I hear the crack and broken shards of my fragility splintering to pieces.

Makoto grabs his suitcase and re-adjusts his bag over his shoulder before turning around and walking—ever so slowly—towards his future. His sudden movements snap me out of stupor, and I make a grab for him—anywhere, his arm, his bag, his shirt, his heart, his memories.

But I grab nothing, tangible or not.

I watch, as the man I no longer know now, walk away from the everything's he's ever had without any fears. And an indescribable pain—that takes over my whole body as it explodes and tears my whole being inside out—begins. The voice that I want to use to call out to him again, is now quiet and hoarse. The thoughts that I want to convey, are now useless. The feelings that I want to tell, are now nothing to that man. The movements of my body that will allow me to explain  _everything_ , are now stiff and slack. The things that I needed to say then and again, are now impossible.

I can only watch as Makoto enters the train, listen as my heart slows and beats erratically like my breath, and I am struck with the sudden urge to yell out everything. Makoto never turns to look at me even as he boards the train, and I understand then, utterly speechless.

He has abandoned everything here, things that would not hold him back from wherever it is he's going to. Those mixed signals and cues were his struggles to acknowledge something that he would never have again, never experience again. And so he abandoned it, because he would only struggle more and it would only hurt more. But he did it so it would hurt me more, so it would remind me of what I could not do. What I could not admit to. What I was avoiding all this time. What I will never be able to have.

When the train begins to move, I force my limbs to move as I struggle to stand at equilibrium and follow. I am clumsy and a mess, something no one, even myself, would imagine I would ever be. My stiff limbs send me stumbling off the platform and onto the tracks behind the train. I can only watch, as it moves forward and I, frozen in time forever.

Just as Makoto's world collapsed that day, mine did today. Rin was there to pull me out of the mess Makoto left behind, but he only watched as I heaved and sobbed over something he did not understand or care to. Like a wailing, lost soul, my heart bled empty, my soul drained empty, my thoughts grew empty, my feelings felt empty, and my tears eventually emptied themselves.

_I could never hope to align myself with the changing times, I could never admit my vulnerability at that time, I was avoiding my future, and I will never have the time back that I will soon lose._


	2. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> —Years later. Ren & Ran & Haruka. Their quiet, understanding relationship. Haruka's life that's just now starting to pick up. Makoto prepares to return after four years, his first summer vacation back at his hometown yet. Nagisa and Rei accompanies him.

Ren and Ran make it a routine to check on Haruka before heading to school. Ren always wonders if this routine tires Haruka out, especially when Ran just barges in and makes herself comfortable in Haruka's own house, let alone, dining table where breakfast is set out for them. Ran, on the other hand, doesn't wonder about trivial things like her younger twin. Unable to ask, Ran hopes her actions aren't bringing bad memories up for Haruka. Although the older male never complains or scolds them for their actions, he's still sensitive to anything concerning his old friends. Torn between the love for her brother and Haruka, Ran can only hope the two become friends again, or else choosing a side would become a difficult decision for her.

"Haruka! Morning!" Ran calls out as she slides the back door open. Stepping in, she gestures for her other twin to enter as the two slip their shows off and walk in.

There's no reply. Ren and Ran think nothing of it because as soon as they enter the kitchen, they see Haruka setting the table. The older male, dressed in a simpe shirt and khaki pants, neither welcomes his guests nor says anything, simply continuing to set down three bowls and pairs of chopsticks.

It is Ren that moves in first to sit at his usual spot, "Morning Haruka."

Haruka looks at Ren, then nods, "Ren. How's school?"

The two converse and Ran simply stands at the door frame, her eyes solely concentrated on Haruka.

_'It looks like he lost a bit of weight again, and his eyes look tired...'_

Haruka turns to look at Ran and smiles slightly at her as he sits down, "Ran. Let's eat."

Ran smiles brightly in return and skips over, "Haaaai~"

And this is a typical morning for these three.

☼

Makoto glances at his phone to check the time. _07:58_.

Nagisa and Rei would probably be here soon, unless one of the two were making them run late altogether. Makoto couldn't help but laugh slightly at this. The two were an interesting pair.

Ever since Nagisa and Rei moved in together, they seemed closer and happier. They did get together a year or two ago, before they moved in together, but maybe that's what living together did to people—made them closer.

_'Wonder what it would've been like living with—'_

"Makoto!" A deep, familiar voice could be heard echoing through the train station.

 _'Yup. Some things never change.'_ Makoto thought, waving to Rei in the distance to grab his attention.

"Ah~ Rei-chan! Over there, over there!" A bouncing Nagisa exclaimed, as he pointed to their long-time friend standing near a pillar.

The two males gathered their bearings and maneuvered their way through the throngs of people. It was early and rush hour was just starting to filter in. Perhaps meeting in the morning wasn't such a good idea afterall.

"Nagisa, Rei, ohayo." Makoto greeted, smiling kindly at them as he moved back to allow his new guests room.

"M-ma...koto... O-o..hayo..." Rei panted, his arms supporting his weight on his knees as he heaved.

"Mako-chan~ O~~hayo! Genki desu?" Nagisa exclaimed, still exuberant with energy.

Makoto laughed and nodded. He was doing well, better than he had ever thought possible. Although his program required six years to complete—and he promised himself to not return until he finished completely—Makoto couldn't help but return back to his hometown his fourth year to visit everyone. His mother was always calling him to return for the weekend or holidays to visit, but Makoto avoided her a bit—somewhat troubled about leaving everything behind and albeit afraid to return.

To avoid thinking about things he'd force himself to forget, he found himself working multiple jobs strenuously, studying constantly to the point where he'd be overtaken with exhaustion and passing out cold without a single though to spare. That wasn't to say his dreams were all that pleasant though, but Makoto usually forgot about them a few days later or so. Life was still moving forward, with him in it.

"The train is now approaching, please stand back....."

☼

Iwami is still the same as ever, no great changes and nothing new. It's as if the time here froze a long time ago, but the people still continue forward without it. And just like Haruka's time that stopped four years ago, he can only remain like Iwami.

"Ohayo." Haruka spoke softly as he slid the shoji door closed.

"Oh! Haruka, ohayo. Good weather today, eh?" Sasabe Gorou greeted, turning around to face his worker.

"Mmm." Haruka hummed, slipping his shoes off as he took off his bag and slipped an old, navy apron on.

"Perfect for catchin' some fish today! I found a great spot the other day, lots more fish than the other areas were always in! I'll show you later, so you better come, you hear?!" Gorou exclaimed, his voice rising a little when Haruka disappeared around the corner and into the kitchen.

_'That boy...'_

Gorou dropped the fish he was cleaning and took off his gloves, sighing before tousling his hair roughly in aggravation. Was Haruka always like this? Well, he is a quiet boy. Man now, Gorou corrected himself.

"How long has it been? Four years...? He's gettin' old..." Gorou sighed as he dug around in his pocket for a cigarette.

_'21... He's at an age where I can't really tell him what to do anymore.'_

Perhaps it was the departure of his friends that really changed him, or the loneliness that re-shaped him. Even though the male was already quiet and passive, he seemed even more reserved and lifeless. He never made much eye contact, always staring vacantly ahead as if he was trying to reach something unattainable. Rarely did his smile ever touch his eyes too, always distant and somewhere else like he was remembering a memory of some sort.

Gorou stopped his thoughts before they got too deep. He wasn't too sure and didn't really care much, because the changes were already made and irreversible—four years could really change someone.

To say he knew Haruka for a long time would be a lie and truth in of itself, he knew him since a couple came 21 years ago to Iwami. They were dressed immaculately professional, like those from Tokyo, and Gorou remembered the woman being large and rounded. They made their way towards Grandma Nana's house, an old lady who was supposedly wise but always scolding him. He wasn't really fond of her.

He never saw the couple again since that one time, but the next time he visited Grandma Nana to deliver a package his mother had for the old lady, he was greeted with shocking blue eyes. The child was sitting near the genkan with an expression as curious as a newborn kitten. He was quiet and didn't make any movements or noise when they made eye contact. The small child just continued to stare at him in silent wonder and amusement.

A bit unnerved by his intense gaze, Gorou called out to Grandma Nana, "Oi, baba! Did you have a kid recently? At your ag—"

**_THWACK!_ **

Gorou fell forward his forehead slightly grazing the steps of the genkan. The package he was holding fell forward and landed with a loud 'thump' near the child. It was an ungraceful, harsh fall.

"Keep your voice down, boy! Can't you see how early it is? There's still people sleeping at this hour!" Grandma Nana exclaimed, holding up her watering can—what she mostly smacked Gorou over the head with—in the air.

Gorou growled and stood straight up again, ready to retort, "Then what's that thing?! Scared me to death!" The young teen pointed to the small child sitting with his back propped against the wall as he poked at the cardboard package.

Grandma Nana smacked Gorou across the face this time.

"W-what the hell was that for, oba-san?!"Gorou yelled, holding the side of his face that was smacked.

"That thing is my grandson." Grandma Nana replied with venom dripping and salivating all over here words.

Feeling a bit apologetic at his harsh words, Gorou hung his head down in apology. Grandma Nana patted his head as she walked by and leaned down to pick up the package, setting it on a table before sitting down in front of the child.

"He's already a year old, but hasn't laughed or uttered anything yet." Grandma Nana stated as she picked up the child.

Gorou wrinkled his nose, "So?"

"I'm worried." Grandma Nana whispered, her back facing the young teen.

After being guilt-tripped by the old lady, Gorou found himself going over to the Nanase's to keep the two company. Nanase Haruka never did laugh or smile like those overjoyed babies, but kept to himself and if he was curious or wanted anything, he'd stare with his eyes watering slightly. He always had to make sure he was looking at the kid, else he'd miss the signal. How troublesome.

Apparently his mother and father were still alive, but departed soon after his birth. Grandma Nana didn't say anything more about the issue and Gorou never questioned it either. It was their issue, not his, he was just here to keep an eye on Haruka.

However, he eventually stopped coming over when he graduated high school, working miscellaneous jobs here and there and somehow taking training for coaching and swimming. He eventually forgot about the boy that couldn't bring himself to smile or cry, until, years later, when he has become a swimming coach. On his new roster, in dark black ink, was the name 'Nanase Haruka' printed neatly under 'Matsuoka Rin.'

Haruka didn't change that much. He still wore that blank look and spoke only when addressed to seriously, always quiet. However, his passion for swimming was undeniably new and unyielding. It was good to know that the boy grew fond of something. The young boy didn't seem to recognize him either, so Gorou didn't mention anything about it. Perhaps it brought unwanted memories back or Haruka really did just forget, either was fine with him.

Watching the swimmer grow, Gorou somehow felt like a father letting his son go. He wasn't to fond of kids, but he did spend part of his life taking care of the male. He did slowly detach himself from Haruka and his life when they left his swimming team and eventually elementary school, wanting to forget about the things he saw and didn't want to know.

'That old lady probably didn't tell Haruka anything about his parents...' Gorou mused, exhaling.

"Sasabe. The shop is set." Haruka informed from the door frame as he lifted the curtains to reveal himself, face blank as ever.

Doubling over and struggling to catch his lit cigarette, Gorou told Haruka to go ahead and open up then.

Watching the struggling man catch his cigarette before it touched the floor, Haruka sighed. His boss was such a hassle, but it was a little comforting working with someone he was familiar with.

After lazing around for half a year, dazed and bored, Haruka decided to get a job. The money left behind by his grandma and late grandpa were enough to keep him going, but sitting home by himself every day was getting a little tiring. He tried a few jobs here and there—but since Iwami was a small village, fishing was the main profit—but wasn't cut out for the lot of them. He was a bit clumsy when it came to fishing or doing any ship work, the onsen didn't like his habit of soaking in the spa for hours, he didn't have a drivers license to do delivery or anything of that sort, and his unsocial behavior made him unfit to serve at restaurants or work in stores period.

Haruka remembered feeling hopeless and useless for days after realizing his faults. He spend days wondering what he was going to do with his life. With his grandparent's savings and parent's incoming deposits, he could live comfortably for the rest of his life not doing anything, but that was wasteful. He briefly thought about continuing his education, but that thought was shot dowb by his grandmother's filtering voice.

"Haruka. Listen to your grandma, and listen well. Don't leave this place. Just live here comfortably, in Iwami, ok?"

He never received a proper explanation when he asked 'why' a few months later, but Haruka remembers—as clear as the water—his grandmother's departing words before her death, so he couldn't bring himself to attend university like all his fellow classmates and friends. It was the least he could do for someone who looked after someone l—

"Haruka!" Gorou's voice brought Haruka back to reality as he blinked and turned to face his boss.

Gorou stood in front of the noren leading to the kitchen, his arms crossed and expression hard as he spoke, "You alright?" his face softening a little as he smiled softly.

Haruka nodded slowly as he stared at the floor, still grounding himself to the reality he's currently trapped in, "Yeah. Let's open."

Gorou grinned and gave him a thumb's up, "Today's fish you're grilling are the freshest! Harvested from the sea this very morning!"

Haruka smiled stiffly and nodded, standing up to head towards the kitchen. He was thankful, for everything that's happened in the last three years. The twins that helped him back up, Amakata-sensei guiding him along the way, his old coach that approached him one day about opening a fish restaurant with him, and his deceased grandparents that support him even after their death. Life wasn't waiting for him anymore, but he long-learned to accept it and stay comfortably rooted to where he was.

"Irashai Mikoto-san! The usual?"


End file.
